He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
