I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
