I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
