Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
