Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
