This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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