You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
