the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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