I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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