i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
