I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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