If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
