my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
