she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
