You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
