All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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