I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I think I died a long time ago.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
