Having a random hookup so left but love u
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
