Soap is not a condiment
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
