Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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