is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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