dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
