my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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