Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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