everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
