Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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