Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
