Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
im six kinds of drunk right now
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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