i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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