ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
