My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Randomize
