Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
