Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
