Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
