I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm at about main and main street
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
