If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
