I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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