i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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