every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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