In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
