At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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