I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
