what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize