i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
two words: eviction party
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
