I cannot find my penis.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
well most of my day revolves around power hour
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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