Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
