STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
