I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
