South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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