What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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