I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
