:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
