does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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