I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
