felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
