We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
