she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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