great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
