Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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