Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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