Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
