Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize