i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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