but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
