We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
