so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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