This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Randomize
