Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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